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Dear Lonely,
I am so sorry that you feel like you have no friends, but I hope it brings you some comfort to know that the feeling of not connecting with others, even in a group, is not uncommon.
Being in a group doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re getting the interaction you need. In many of these situations, you seldom get the chance to share your thoughts and feelings or have a true heart-to-heart conversation. This lack of genuine human sharing is a core cause of lloneliness.
First, it may be helpful to examine why you feel this way. Some people have trouble connecting with others due to depression, social anxiety, or trauma from how they grew up. If you think it might be one of these more serious issues, it would be a good idea to speak to a counsellor or other trusted adult.
However, it could also boil down to a few, more simple explanations: are you letting yourself be vulnerable? Maybe you’re just hanging out with people who don’t get you, and that’s why you don’t feel close to them? Think about the reasons why you feel this way, because this can help you figure out what to do. That being said, here are a few things you can do foster connections and feel less lonely in a
crowded room:
Don’t be afraid to ask questions
When you’re in a group, you might get caught up in how lonely you feel and tune out the conversation even more. Instead, try to ask your friends questions that will help you learn more about each other. Look up “Questions to ask to get to know someone better” and have a few handy, so you’re prepared next time.
Try small gatherings first
The pandemic has taken away many of our opportunities to gather together, and it’s probably affected your ability to socialise in groups as well.
Alternatively, you could simply be a person who functions better in small group situations. Why not try spending ime with one or two very close friends? This allows you to practise your conversation and connection skills in a low pressure setting.
Often when we feel disconnected from others, we are mostly feeling disconnected from ourselves. Take a walk when it’s nice out, or try something you’ve always wanted to do, but were nervous about. This will help you get to know yourself better, which in turn could help you better connect with others.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
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