Help! All my friends are dating and it makes me feel lonely. What should I do?

Dear Friend,

I’m 15 and a couple of my friends have begun dating. I want something like that since I’m a big fan of romantic novels and rom-coms. My life feels quite dismal, considering all of my friends are either in a relationship or have someone they’re talking to. I am so happy for them but sometimes, I feel left behind. Is it normal to feel like this? What should I do?

From, Loveless

Dear Loveless,

We’re sorry that you feel lonely and uneasy about your friends dating. While many people start dating and having relationships as a teenager, there are just as many people who don’t date until later. Please don’t rush into anything!

At the moment, it seems like you do not have a specific person in mind that you want to date, so don’t push yourself to find a partner or accept someone that you don’t actually have feelings for, just to be in a relationship. When that special someone turns up, you will know. You will also find romantic relationships in real life to be very different from what you read innovels and see in rom-coms.

Meanwhile, from the perspective of taking care of your mental health, keep in mind the following tips:

Be honest about your feelings
Truly examine why you want to be in arelationship. Are you really ready for one, or do you just want to fit in with the rest of your friends?

If you feel like you’re genuinely ready, first you need to open yourself up to meeting new people and making new friends – in fact, many of the most solid relationships begin as friendships. But it is not good to date just because you are lonely, feeling left out, or someone is convenient. You may end up hurting yourself or someone else. Plus, it can feel worse to be with someone, but still feel alone.

Concentrate on other relationships
Many people feel like they need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but what’s most important during your teen years is learning how to build healthy relationships of all types. Use this time to strengthen your bond with your family and friends (make sure to get some time alone with them, without their significant others). Boyfriends and girlfriends might come and go, but these are the people who will be on your side for the long term.

In addition, the skills you learn from building and maintaining these non- romantic relationships are also useful for dating; being able to listen, give support, and show how much you care are all good traits of a romantic partner.

Be kind to yourself and stay grounded
Take care of yourself and manage the “dismal” feeling. It’s normal to be fascinated by love stories, but they can be far from reality. Stay involved in your favourite activities, meet up with your friends, review your study goals, and do other things that enrich your life. This will help you grow and gain self-esteem.

You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend