|
Dear Friend,
I introduced my favourite cousin to my friends. Now, my friends seem to have replaced me with her, and it feels like I have been forgotten. Should I confront my cousin? What do I do?
Sincerely, Replaced
|
|
Dear Replaced,
We’re sorry that you’re feeling insecure about your friendships. But long-term negative thoughts and feelings can cause a lot of tension, internally and with other people, and damage your mental health. Here’s some advice we hope can help:
Acknowledge your pain
Name your negative feelings when they come up. Don’t try to judge them, justify them or change them – your focus is on naming them. Write your thoughts down in a journal; even just seeing them written can give you a sense of relief. Remind yourself that these feelings won’t last forever; you can say, “I am feeling hurt, but I can get past this.” You can also reflect on the role you play in your friendship group. Do you want to talk to your cousin or your friends? They may not even realise they are favouring your cousin over you.
Concentrate on your confidence
Self-confidence is crucial for overcoming insecurity. Take some time to appreciate your charisma and personality, which attracted your friends in the first place, and recall the happy times you spent together; this may boost your self- esteem and reduce the sense of threat. You said it seems like they have forgotten you – are they still inviting you to hang out? You could be proactive and ask them what they are doing over the weekend or offer to plan activities you could all do together.
Address the issue
It’s entirely possible that your friends and cousin have no idea what they’re doing orthat they are leaving you out. Your friends could also be trying to make your cousin feel welcome in the friend group. It may help to talk to your cousin and one or two friends separately. Make sure you’re calm when you speak to them – take a few deep breaths before initiating the conversation. State how you feel and be clear about what you need from them, without being accusatory, and actively listen to the other person’s words or feelings.
You might not get the answers you’re looking for, and your friends may not want to chat about the issue. If that’s the case, you’ll have to let it go and maybe re-examine those relationships.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
|
